A boiling point

Agitation. Anger. Annoyance. These are the three things I've been feeling as of late. And I know they are all highly irrational. Well maybe not all of them are. But anger sure is. I don't know where it is coming from. But it seems to be aimed at one person. One person I know doesn't deserve that. Perhaps it's because the person I'm really angry at is undeniably insane and to talk to him would be a complete and utter waste of time and energy and would only serve to infuriate me more.

My whole life I've had the attitude that I'm fine with what I have. Which isn't much. And I am for the most part. But there comes a point when it's frustrating when you're stuck in such a horrible and pathetic state of mind that even when you are in a position to have or do certain things, that you don't want to out of some sort of messed up fear that you shouldn't or can't. I know what I should do, what I need to do, but I'm so used to sticking to my comfort zone but that has to change.

You can't please everyone in life, and I am tired of trying to do so and make sure everyone but myself in comfortable. I need to make some serious changes and stop being so timid. So weak. And so damn insecure. I'm better than that, and I deserve better than what that has brought me. It's a shame that it's taken so long for me to realize that or be willing to do something to change that but hey, it's better late than never.

Of course life is going to be irritating, or annoying at times and sure I'll get angry. They say you're supposed to think before you speak, but that's my biggest problem. I think way too much and often decide against thinking. I care way too much about what people think and I need to stop. And I will stop.

But if I can do something to better my life than so be it. I'll do what needs to be done. I'll take off the proverbial ballet shoes and stop tip toeing around how I really feel. I'm an adult and it's time to take the wheel and stop being a passenger in my own car. It's time for a new me. And a new mentality.

This blog may not be coherent and seem like a rant. And normally I would edit it. But I don't care. I wrote this for me. Point.Blank.Period.

Spoiler Spoiled

So I finally watched the season premiere of Grey's Anatomy. Amazing episode of course as usual! But then I decided to scroll down to the comment section after it went off to see what other people thought about it. And of course this wonderfully, horrible person said something that ruined everything and rocked my world for at least 10 minutes.

SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER!

Meredith and Derek are going to break up and that bitch intern is going to step in and be with Derek. Like wtf? Seriously? Derek and whoever else he's with is supposed to be like THE power couple and that whiney, self-serving, man-stealing, slutty bitch intern, does not fit the bill. The writers are on pure crack if this is what happens. MerDer were made for each other, they created the show, I mean come on!!!!

-END OF SPOILER-

But at least Christina got married and whatnot. Oh and I hate Cali, and her gf. She's so flaky, I hate her with an undying and never yielding passion. Kind of like my feelings of Oprah Winfrey and Tyra Banks.

So that's all I have, just had to tell someone the horrible news, if I kept it in any longer I would have exploded into a million little pieces.

Time Management

So this semester seems to be the worst yet. But at the same time the best. I have so much to do between APhiO, work, school and having a life period. Though this is the first time that I feel some sense of....something. I don't know how to explain it but I just feel like this is what I am supposed to do, this is where I am supposed to be at this point in my life.

Recently my mind has been on the whole Law School thing. I feel like I need to be involved in way more than I currently am, but at the same time I know I would burn out for sure. Everyone that I've talked to who has aspirations of law school are involved in everything under the sun. They're presidents of a million clubs, saved a small African village single-handedly and so on. I look at their resume and then I look at mine and know that I just don't compare. I know I'm fully capable of being a lawyer and I know I'm dedicated enough, I just don't want to be penalized for only wanting to be apart of a small number of organizations where I can commit fully to.

I guess what I really have come to find, is that it is a dog eat dog world and it's every man for himself, survival of the fittest, yadda yadda yadda.

Riding through the City with my High Beams on, Can You See Me?

Things are looking real good! I got on the Dean's List this semester for FSU! Not only that but I am officially a brother of Alpha Phi Omega!!! Tallahassee could not have been any better of a place. With all the freedom, parties and well...the independence!

And NYU Law School seems to be more and more of a possibility with each passing day. An acceptance letter from there would be a dream come true and it would totally be worth all the loans I would have to take out.

Now all I have to do is get past this boring Summer of 2010. Hopefully my summer classes will make it pass by quicker. We shall see.