A boiling point

Agitation. Anger. Annoyance. These are the three things I've been feeling as of late. And I know they are all highly irrational. Well maybe not all of them are. But anger sure is. I don't know where it is coming from. But it seems to be aimed at one person. One person I know doesn't deserve that. Perhaps it's because the person I'm really angry at is undeniably insane and to talk to him would be a complete and utter waste of time and energy and would only serve to infuriate me more.

My whole life I've had the attitude that I'm fine with what I have. Which isn't much. And I am for the most part. But there comes a point when it's frustrating when you're stuck in such a horrible and pathetic state of mind that even when you are in a position to have or do certain things, that you don't want to out of some sort of messed up fear that you shouldn't or can't. I know what I should do, what I need to do, but I'm so used to sticking to my comfort zone but that has to change.

You can't please everyone in life, and I am tired of trying to do so and make sure everyone but myself in comfortable. I need to make some serious changes and stop being so timid. So weak. And so damn insecure. I'm better than that, and I deserve better than what that has brought me. It's a shame that it's taken so long for me to realize that or be willing to do something to change that but hey, it's better late than never.

Of course life is going to be irritating, or annoying at times and sure I'll get angry. They say you're supposed to think before you speak, but that's my biggest problem. I think way too much and often decide against thinking. I care way too much about what people think and I need to stop. And I will stop.

But if I can do something to better my life than so be it. I'll do what needs to be done. I'll take off the proverbial ballet shoes and stop tip toeing around how I really feel. I'm an adult and it's time to take the wheel and stop being a passenger in my own car. It's time for a new me. And a new mentality.

This blog may not be coherent and seem like a rant. And normally I would edit it. But I don't care. I wrote this for me. Point.Blank.Period.